Iraq Invasion to Help Establish Democracy in North Carolina

By Andy Borowitz, New Yorker

The government of Iraq announced on Tuesday that it would seek to build an international coalition to establish democracy in the state of North Carolina.

“If it were a nation state, North Carolina would rank as deeply-flawed, partly-free, one of the failed democracies that constitute much of the developing world,” writes Andrew Reynolds, an associate professor at the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill, who is also an EIP adviser.

Speaking to reporters in Baghdad, the Iraqi President, Barham Salih, said Iraq reached out to regional powers including Canada and Mexico to launch a military invasion of North Carolina’s Ninth Congressional District to “protect the North Carolinians’ right to self-determination.”

While many in the international community commended Salih’s desire to bring democracy to North Carolina, some critics warned the effort could wind up destabilizing other American states.

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“If North Carolina gets democracy, it’s only a matter of time before the people of Wisconsin, Georgia, and other failed states demand it as well,” Muqtada al-Sadr, the Iraqi politician and cleric, said. “Iraq could find itself in a quagmire with no exit strategy.”

Brushing aside such concerns, President Salih said his international coalition sends troops to N.C.-9 as early as next week.

“We will be greeted as liberators,” he predicted.

Header image: Muqtada al Sadr’s Threats to Oust US Forces Reawaken

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